Top 12 Weirdest Sex Laws from Around the Globe Still Exist

12 Wacky Sex Laws That'll Make You Say “What the Fudge?”

 We're about to take a wild ride through the world's most bizarre bedroom bylaws. These weird sex laws will have you scratching your head and questioning humanity's sanity. (I did😐)

1. Lebanon's Baa-d Behavior: Men can legally get frisky with female animals, but male animals are off-limits. Talk about species-ist! Looks like someone's taking “animal magnetism” way too literally.
2. Washington's Virgin Territory: In the Evergreen State, it's illegal to deflower a virgin under any circumstances. Sorry, newlyweds! Guess you'll have to honeymoon elsewhere.
3. Colombia's Creepy Chaperones: In Cali, mothers must watch their daughters lose their virginity on the wedding night. Talk about awkward family bonding!
4. Hong Kong's Hands-On Justice: A betrayed wife can legally kill her cheating husband, but only with her bare hands. The mistress, however, can be offed any way she pleases. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – and armed!
5. South Dakota's Oral Fixation: This state threatens a 10-year prison term for “copulation by means of mouth.” Looks like someone's got a bad taste in laws.
6. Nebraska's Backdoor Policy: Buggery can land you 20 years in the slammer. That's one way to discourage being cheeky!
7. Pennsylvania's Anal-ysis: Similar to Nebraska, anal copulation here can result in a $5,000 fine and ten years of hard labor. Talk about a pain in the… well, you know.
8. Birmingham's Unholy Matrimony: It's illegal for couples to get frisky on church steps after sundown. Guess they're really enforcing that “no sex before marriage” rule!
9. Illinois' Stiff Penalty: Sporting an erection in public is illegal. Talk about a hard law to follow!
10. Texas' Toy Story: Owning more than six sex toys is considered obscene. Everything's bigger in Texas – except your adult toy collection.
11. Indonesia's Self-Love Ban: Masturbation can get you 32 months in prison. That's one way to enforce a hands-off policy!
12. California's Orgasm Olympics: An old law prohibited either partner from finishing before the other during foreplay. Talk about performance pressure!

The Most Controversial Sex Laws in History

In ancient Babylon, women were required by law to prostitute themselves at least once in their lives at the temple of Ishtar. Talk about a strange sex law! Meanwhile, adultery laws in ancient Egypt were no laughing matter – women caught cheating could have their noses cut off.

Fast forward to more recent times, and we have sodomy laws that prohibit oral and anal sex acts. In 2003, the U.S. Supreme Court finally struck down such laws, but not before many people were prosecuted for their private consensual activities. I guess you could say those laws were a real pain in the ass!

Even something as innocent as public nudity has been the subject of contentious legal battles. In 2017, a federal judge ruled that a Florida city couldn't ban women from going topless in public, since allowing men but not women to show their nipples was unconstitutional. Free the nipple, indeed!

And let's not forget the funny sex laws that are still on the books in some places. In Minnesota, it's illegal for a man to have sex with a live fish. I wonder if dead fish are fair game? And in Utah, sex with an animal is only illegal if it's done “with intent to arouse or gratify sexual desire”. Because if you're doing it for purely platonic reasons, no problem!

Some of the most eyebrow-raising weird sex laws come from oppressive regimes like the Taliban, which banned women from wearing high heels and men from shaving their beards, lest they arouse uncontrollable lust. Something tells me the Taliban aren't getting invited to many orgies.

So the next time you're getting frisky, take a moment to appreciate the fact that you probably won't get arrested for it – unless you're into some really freaky illegal sex acts.

But hey, no kink-shaming here!

The Bottom Line

Well folks, there you have it – a whirlwind tour of the weirdest sex laws from around the globe! From bizarre regulations on when and where you can get frisky to downright absurd prohibitions on specific acts, it's clear that lawmakers have spent a lot of time pondering what goes on between the sheets.

But as we've seen, some of these strange sex laws are no laughing matter – they can have serious consequences for people's lives and freedoms. And if you do find yourself in hot water, just remember: it could be worse – you could be living in a place where oral sex is banned or adultery is punishable by death.

So go forth and get your rocks off (within reason, of course!) – just be sure to check your local sex laws first. Because when it comes to getting laid, it's always better to be safe than sorry!